Health
The quiet crisis facing middle-aged men
Loneliness is rising among middle-aged men – and it’s taking a toll on their health and wellbeing. Here’s why it happens and the practical steps that can help men reconnect.
By Sabrina Rogers
You’ve cleaned up your diet, started exercising and you’re finally giving sleep the attention it deserves. Those are all great moves for your health, but there’s one important factor many men overlook: social connection.
Loneliness is increasingly being recognised as a serious public health concern, with research suggesting its impact is comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. And men seem to be particularly at risk.
A 2023 survey of Australian men found that 43% are lonely and 16% experience high levels of loneliness. A whopping 24% of men aged 35 to 49 and 12% of men 50 to 64 report feeling very lonely.
While these statistics are confronting, they’re far from hopeless. Meaningful connection can be built at any stage of life through small, manageable changes – and even introverts can do it. Here’s everything you need to know.
Why are Australian men so lonely?
“Men often rely on their workplace for social connection, so losing a job, changing jobs or retiring can have a huge impact on their loneliness levels and mental wellbeing,” says Registered Clinical Psychologist Dr Michael Player. “They also tend to outsource their socialising to their partner, so separation, divorce or the death of a partner can leave them without a social network.
“But even men who have a job and a partner can feel lonely. It may start creeping in when a baby is born and their partner falls in love with this little bundle of joy and they can feel a bit left out. Men also tend to feel a lot of pressure to provide for their family, so they may not feel like catching up with a mate is a productive use of their time.”
Other factors that may contribute to male loneliness include:
- Mental health issues
- Poor physical health
- Living with a disability
- Living in a remote or rural area
- Living alone
- Job insecurity
- Socioeconomic disadvantage
- Having a culturally and linguistically diverse background
- Single parenting
- Children moving out of home
- Being a carer
- The death of a close friend
What can happen if loneliness is left unchecked?
Research shows that men who are lonely are 8.5 times more likely to have mental health issues, 3.9 times more likely to have high stress, 1.7 times more likely to have poor physical health and 1.5 times more likely to have high work-life imbalance.
Loneliness and social isolation can increase the risk of:
- Heart disease
- Stroke
- Type 2 diabetes
- Cognitive decline
- Dementia
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Self-harm
- Suicidal thoughts and actions
- Early death
“Loneliness increases [the stress hormone] cortisol,” explains Dr Player. “Cortisol is good in short bursts when you need to respond to a threat, but it’s deleterious when it’s chronic. I tell men it's like redlining your engine all the time. You wouldn’t do that to your car, so why would you do it to your body?”
What are the most common barriers to men seeking help for loneliness?
When Australian men were surveyed about what stops them from seeking help, they responded with several practical barriers, including work commitments, cost, being too busy, the low availability of services or delays in accessing help.
But when they were pressed about psychosocial barriers, many cited:
- Minimising problems and resignation: They don't believe the problem is important enough to seek help.
- Need for control and self-reliance: “Our society glorifies hegemonic masculinity – the strong, silent type who just gets on with it,” says Dr Player. “So, men are unlikely to admit to feeling lonely because it’s perceived as a weakness.”
- Distrust of caregivers: Not trusting doctors and health care providers.
- Privacy: Not wanting to be physically or emotionally vulnerable.
- Emotional control: Fearing an unwanted display of emotion.
5 practical ways for men to overcome loneliness
Connecting with others doesn’t have to be complicated or confronting. Start with small steps and build up from there. Here are six ideas:
1. Build up your social skills
Chatting to people when you’re out and about can help you practice your conversational skills, says Dr Player.
“If you go into the same cafe every day, have a chat with the barista,” he explains. “Or instead of using the self-checkout at the supermarket, go to a manned checkout and talk to the cashier.”
Talking to strangers can feel intimidating at first, but it’s important to remember everyone is in the same boat.
“You might think someone is judging you or they think they're better than you because they look away or seem cold, but that person is likely just as nervous or anxious about your judgment as you are about theirs,” says Dr Player.
2. Reach out to a mate
A quick text or call to a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while could make a world of difference for both of you.
“Men will often avoid reaching out to avoid the embarrassment of seeming needy or weak, but chances are the other guy is feeling the same way,” says Dr Player. “Instead of staying silent and stoic, reach out for a phone chat or suggest catching up.”
3. Go shoulder to shoulder
Meaningful conversation between men often happens shoulder to shoulder rather than face to face. Simple activities such as fishing or driving give men room to talk openly without the intensity of direct eye contact or the fear of being judged.
Joining a running, swimming, surfing or walking group can kill two birds with one stone: getting fit and making shoulder-to-shoulder connections. Or you might want to reconnect with an old hobby or passion from your youth – from gardening to playing chess – alongside like-minded men.
4. Join a community group
“From an evolutionary point of view, men are designed to work on missions together,” says Dr Player. “Whether it’s hunting for food or playing sport, that’s where men bond best and friendship is the secondary benefit of working towards a shared goal.”
Community groups such as Men’s Sheds (where men can tinker on tools and have a yarn) and Grab Life by the Balls (which offers Coffee & Chinwag events and encourages members to host fundraising barbecues) offer a blend of shared activity, mateship and purpose. They’re inclusive groups that help reduce isolation while supporting men’s mental health and overall wellbeing.
5. Volunteer
Research shows that volunteering significantly decreases loneliness in older adults by offering regular social contact, a sense of purpose and the chance to feel valued by others.
The secret to a happier, healthier life after 50? Go volunteer!
Whether it’s helping out at your grandkids’ sporting events, volunteering for a community organisation or supporting a local cause, even small commitments can boost your mood, confidence and overall wellbeing. You can find volunteering opportunities near you at SEEK Volunteer and GoVolunteer.
When to seek extra support
Sometimes, loneliness can turn into something more serious. If you’re in immediate danger or need urgent mental health support, call 000. If you’re not in immediate danger but need support, contact Lifeline 24/7 on 13 11 14 or make an appointment with your GP.
You can find more mental health help here:
Feature image: iStock/insta_photos
The information on this page is general information and should not be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease. Do not use the information found on this page as a substitute for professional health care advice. Any information you find on this page or on external sites which are linked to on this page should be verified with your professional health care provider.
Tell us in the comments: Do you find it easy to spend time with friends?
More health support for men: