Lifestyle
An online book club became my favourite third space
Melbourne-based, Tracey Montgomery, 54, realised the power of an online community when she joined a book club at a time in her life where she felt invisible.
By Elli Jacobs
I had just turned 50 and was desperate to find a third space, somewhere entirely my own, separate from work and family.
Like many women, I was juggling the demands of family and the mental load of running my own recruitment company, so whatever I chose, couldn’t feel like just another task on my already long to-do list, it had to be logistically doable and genuinely nourishing.
Trying new things never gets old
I was also working alongside people in their twenties and early thirties - young, worldly colleagues who were always going places, trying new things, and seemingly full of knowledge and energy. In contrast, I felt stuck in a loop of cooking, cleaning, and working. It felt like a cliché, but the truth was, nothing in my life seemed to be just for me.
What I truly needed was something simple and nourishing, something I could do at my own pace, in my own time, without any pressure.
When I stumbled across the Birds of a Feather Book Club in January 2022, an online group run by Bec and Jane, I was surprised and thrilled. It felt like the perfect fit.
The idea of joining such a low-pressure community, felt like a gift. It asked nothing of me and that, honestly, was the most refreshing part.
For once, I wasn’t a mum, a wife, a business owner, or even a 50-year-old woman. I didn’t have to lead it, organise it, or carry any mental load. I was just a person, someone who loved books.
All I had to do was read the assigned book at my own pace and join a Zoom call on the last Monday of each month at 7:30 p.m. It felt like both a privilege and a pleasure.
Best of all, I could join from home while my son did his homework, in my pyjamas, maybe with a glass of wine in hand.
Redefining Self-Care
There’s a lot of talk about self-care for women - meditation, long walks, massages, sheet masks, mani-pedis, or weekend retreats. While I enjoy those things, they never felt especially meaningful to me, and often came with a cost: time, money, or both. It can be hard to find low-cost things to do.
For as long as I can remember, reading has been my version of self-care. It’s how I unwind, escape, and reconnect with myself. Talking about books is my love language, so joining a book club felt like a natural next step.
Being part of this community has reshaped how I think about self-care. It doesn’t have to be luxurious or expensive. For me, reading a book is self-care now.
I know for some people that might sound like torture, but personally, it grounds and nurtures me. Every night, I put my son to bed and gift myself half an hour with a book. That half-hour does more for my mental health than anything else I could buy. It’s my version of going to the gym.
On the rare occasion I miss a meeting, it feels like I’ve let myself down. Knowing I have a book club coming up, especially after a hectic Monday, gives me something to look forward to.
This small act has even had a ripple effect at home. My 11-year-old son is a keen reader, and after book club, he often asks what we discussed or what the author said. The club also runs junior book sessions, and while he hasn’t joined yet, I think it’s only a matter of time.
I used to feel guilty about carving out ‘“me time,’ but I quickly realised I’m a much nicer person when I go to book club.
Beyond the Book Club
What makes this book club even more special is the thoughtful, engaging conversations about the book - its characters, writing, and themes. And often, the author joins the discussion, adding a whole new layer of richness. You can ask questions, hear their insights, and see the story through their eyes.
The very first book club meeting I attended featured Love Stories by Trent Dalton. Trent was incredibly engaging. His generosity as a storyteller shone through, and the book itself was beautiful: a collection of love stories that really stayed with me.
That meeting became a turning point for me. After hanging up from the session, I thought, "I want to write." Not just journaling but writing with purpose, beginning the slow and admittedly very imperfect journey toward pursuing my own writing career.
The added beauty of being in a book club is that I’m reading things I would’ve just walked past on the shelf. It's widened my reading so much. I used to stick pretty closely to non-fiction books - and I still do to a degree - but now I’ve been exposed to worlds I wouldn’t have otherwise entered. For example, we read Yellowface and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, which has a kind of sci-fi twist - again, not something I would’ve chosen.
Consequently, I think it’s made me a smarter and better reader. I used to be a speed-reader, just flying through books, but now I read a lot slower, more deliberately. Reading has become a true form of relaxation for me.
In fact, just recently, I was talking to a candidate at work about their field, and they referenced a book I had read through the book club. Having that broader knowledge base has been really valuable, both professionally and personally.
Can you really make friends from an online book club?
The last thing I expected was to make friends from book club. It just wasn’t on my radar. I’m in the very fortunate position to have a close circle of wonderful friends.
But then, Birds of a Feather put out a call asking for volunteers to run local, in-person catch-ups. There was no pressure; it was just an opportunity for anyone who wanted to grab a coffee and connect every six to eight weeks in person as well as the online meetings. So, I put my hand up and said, "I’ll volunteer. I’ll do that."
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I remember going to one in-person meeting after a really bad week at work. I was feeling pressured and overwhelmed, but no one there knew about my job. It's not that they didn’t care, it just wasn’t the focus. They just wanted to talk about books. It felt like pure escapism.
Off the page and into real life
At Easter, I was also down at the beach with my family, lining up for gelato, when a woman came up to me and said, "Tracy!" It was one of the women I’d met through the book club coffees. We chatted about what we were reading on holiday. It was just lovely. Even such little things show the connection we’ve built.
My work doesn’t really require creativity, so having a space where I can listen to how writers craft their stories, explore characters, and talk about the art of writing and reading, it feeds a different part of me. Even when I haven't loved every book, I still appreciate the creativity behind it. And that feels freeing.
Why every woman needs a third space
We don’t talk enough about the power of a third space, a place that’s not work, not home, but something just for you. It doesn’t have to be physical, or even profound. Sometimes it’s as simple as joining a book club.
Take the one I joined, for instance. It’s online, but the connection is completely real. And that might sound surprising, but I think a lot of it comes down to the way Bec and Jane - who run the club - invite and engage with people. It’s casual, warm, and completely non-judgmental. There’s no pressure to agree with anyone. If you don’t like the book, you can say so, and no one will think less of you. There’s no hierarchy.
If you’re shy or don’t want to appear on camera, that’s totally fine. You can send in questions beforehand through the Facebook page, leave your camera off, or just listen in. There’s a live chat feature too, for those who want to participate in real time. Whether you’re ready to speak or just want to observe, you’re always included. Everyone is accommodated. It’s genuinely one of the most inclusive communities I’ve been part of.
This experience has shifted how I think about purpose and growth. I used to believe growth had to mean something big - a new qualification, a career leap, something with a certificate. But now I know it can be so much simpler. It can be a book. A conversation. A sense of belonging.
I found something just for me. And I know I’m not alone in that, so many other women in the group feel the same.
That’s why I believe every woman should find her own third space. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be yours.
Sometimes, the smallest things, a book, a warm welcome, a meaningful exchange, can shift your whole world.
Feature image: Tracey Montgomery
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