Lifestyle
Daphne started pole dancing at 56 and is slaying it
NSW-based, Daphne Kapetas, 59, started pole dancing at 56 and is seriously crushing it.
By Eli Jacobs
I first wanted to try pole dancing the year my daughter was born, I was 37 at the time. But there was only one studio back then, tucked away in Surry Hills, and I was living in Neutral Bay. The logistics just made it too hard. Still, the desire never left me.
Dance has always been my happy place
What drew me to pole dancing is that it is a happy union of some of my passions, that is resistance training and dance. I’ve danced my whole life, starting with Ballet, Greek, Latin and Egyptian. Dance is about movement and escapism, it’s not about attracting male attention. I’m an alpha female. A feminist. I’ve always been driven and ambitious, even as a single woman. For me, dance has always been about power, grace, and strength.
It pays to stay strong too
I took up weight training to stay strong over 35 years ago and I never stopped - not through pregnancies, raising children, studying or working full-time. Weight training has been my constant. With my friend Gina I’ve also done obstacle races together, Spartan, Tough Mudder, RAW Challenge. I only started those at age 48.
Maybe it all goes back to losing my father. He died young, at just 44. I was 16. Many of his relatives passed in their 40s too. There’s diabetes, heart disease, and stroke on both sides of my family. But I had a brilliant doctor, Dr. Lim, a wise man, who introduced me to the concept of epigenetics way back in 1982. He told me that while I might carry certain genes, how I lived could influence whether they ever became active. That stayed with me. I knew I had to give both my body and brain the best possible chance. So, I chose strength. And I’ve never looked back.
It’s never too late to try something new
At 56, I was still ambitious, still seeking challenge and growth. My Surf Life Saving patrol captain at the time, aged 26, insisted I try pole and it reignited that old spark. This time, there was a studio nearby in Brookvale, and I finally said yes.
Pole dancing offered something entirely new: challenge, creativity, and community. It gave me a fresh outlet for the strength I’d spent decades building. What I love most about the classes is standing beside a 25-year-old on the next pole, and sometimes, because I have no fear, I land a trick before she does. With my postmenopausal body, society may think, I’m not supposed to be doing this, but here I am.
There’s so much negativity around women ageing. Sure, I don’t look like I did at 20 and honestly, I don’t care. When I first climbed a pole and hung upside down that gave me the biggest buzz. I’m strong. I’m alive. I’m thrilled.
The studio is the most inclusive space I’ve ever experienced. Women of all sizes, ages, and backgrounds come together here. I’ve seen curvy women and women over 60 in my class who can pull off moves I haven’t mastered yet. In this space, it’s simple: if you’re strong, you can dance. What also sets it apart is the support. There’s no comparison, no cattiness, no judgement, just encouragement. It’s all about individual growth and shared celebration.
After two years doing pole, I’m now in Gold level (pre-advanced) and I attend two classes a week, but I don’t take part in competitions. I’m not the competitive type. I do this for the simple joy and fun of it all, but also to maintain health.
Mind, body, and spiritual benefits
I've definitely noticed improvements in my grip strength, mobility, and posture. I've learned that grip strength is closely linked to longevity - research shows that being able to do a dead hang for two minutes over the age of 40 is a good indicator of overall health.
This is especially important as the risk of injury and death increases after the age of 65 if you fall. Pole dancing has been key in helping me build that strength both physically and mentally, and I can feel the difference. The benefits of pole dancing are far beyond a total body workout. It helps maintain bone density, muscle mass, and memory recall, which is incredibly important especially as we age.
It’s more than a workout, it’s good for your brain too
But it’s not only physical. My background in obstacle racing taught me resilience, teamwork, and mental grit. Pole dancing brings it all together. It challenges both the body and the mind and that’s what makes it so powerful.
Beyond the physical benefits, the joy of dancing to the music I grew up with, 80s and 90s hits, is what makes pole dancing so enjoyable. It's fun to see the young girls in my class hear those songs for the first time, while I get to relive those moments. The fact that we learn new skills and routines each lesson, also means that we’re using our memory.
Memorising the moves
A big part of my success in being able to achieve pole dancing moves is visualisation. I've always used it. When I was studying for my science degree, I visualised myself working in marketing long before I got there. I visualized passing organic chemistry. And now, when I'm trying a new trick, I go home, sit quietly, and visualise every movement. Apparently, not everyone can visualise, but it's a muscle you can build, just like any other.
I'm serious about my faith. Every Sunday, I attend a Greek Orthodox church, which is considered quite a conservative faith. I'm open about pole dancing. If people make fun of it, that’s fine. I've faced a lot of adversity in my life, especially after losing my dad during the HSC and having to look after my sick mum. I didn’t have the emotional capacity to worry about what people thought. What matters for me, is living in a way that when I can face my maker I will know that I have tried my best not to have harmed others in any way.
Say goodbye to any stigma
Yes, pole dancing has a stigma attached to it, but I don’t think it’s any worse than other forms of dance, like belly dancing. People have always placed judgment on certain types of dances, but I don’t care. Even as my mum was dying in November 2023, I showed her my pole dancing videos, and she was proud of me. She was born in 1933 in Greece and supported me fully, even when others didn’t understand.
I was raised with a deep connection to my heritage. My mum was related to the powerful figure of Bouboulina, a heroine in the Greek War of Independence. This legacy has shaped who I am today. My mum always emphasised that women must be educated to have equality, and I’ve carried that message with me. Even though she couldn’t read or write, she wanted me to be educated and stand on my own feet.
Seize the day
Because of this, I’ve never worried about what others think of me, this has allowed me to be comfortable with being uncomfortable and challenge myself. After my dad passed away, I returned to dancing, despite some disapproval from the Greek community. But my mum supported me and defended me when others criticised me. I knew dancing was my way of coping, and that’s all that mattered. I prayed and danced, and that became my way of healing.
For the very few people that I’ve encountered that don’t share my world view, that’s ok, changing their mind is not my priority. My strength and mobility is my focus. My husband is supportive, our daughter thinks I “slay” and our son thinks it’s “goofy”. As for my friends, some of them chuckle and say, “I’m mad” and others are so inspired that they too have joined me on the pole.
One hour of pole dancing and the day’s stress and anxiety are reduced. As a small business owner, of Calmmé skin care, this is the best way for me to end a day.
Live life with no regrets
I believe in living life without regrets by embracing change and personal growth. If you don’t like what you’re doing now? Change it. It’s never too late to start something new, and I see every day as an opportunity to learn and grow. For example, I went back to university for the third time when my children were young, and I’m now planning on launching a new product line next year, age 60.
Follow your joy
I also believe in actively pursuing and spreading joy. Pole dancing is my joy. I don’t do it for validation. I do it for me. It’s about intrinsic satisfaction, not external recognition. Personal growth, not comparison, is what drives me. Even when I’m facing challenges, like trying to perfect the "Superman" move in pole dancing, I remain focused on the process. I enjoy the challenge rather than striving for perfection.
My perspective on life centres around finding fulfilment in the journey, learning new things, and being disciplined in how I manage my time. I also believe in giving back to others, which is why I dedicate time to charity work. I think it's important to support the vulnerable. We are privileged, and it’s our duty to care for those in need.
So, I encourage you to pursue what excites you, work hard, give back, and focus on what truly brings joy.
Feature image: Leslie Liu
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